Dare to Be Different:
Making a Difference in the World!

By Michaiel Bovenes

Difference is needed in our world now more than ever. The democracy of difference is afoot. We are at a turning point, personally and collectively in our world. If there is one idea that sums up this election it is the desire for change and the desperate need to embrace a “different” approach. Honoring and respecting difference is crucial to creating positive change. It all begins by understanding and accepting our own differences.

Webster’s defines Difference as 1) a significant change in or effect on a situation: 2) a distinguishing characteristic; distinctive quality, feature: 3) the act of distinguishing; discrimination; distinction.  Notice, it doesn’t connote “the opposite or the enemy” it simply implies a different experience, thus it involves change.

If we are to create positive change and make a difference in our world we must begin with ourselves. There are two keys that are crucial to celebrating difference in yourself and others. They are your willingness to change and to face your fears of difference.

The first key is a willingness to change. Being different involves change. Change is always desired intellectually.  However, the emotional experience of change requires that we feel chaos and uncertainty. Most people are afraid of chaos and recoil from it, thus resisting real change. All genuine change produces chaos; the bigger the change the greater the chaos.  Remember that once these changes are made the chaos will subside and empowerment will prevail.

The second key is a willingness to face the fear of “being different”. As children we sought security by conforming to others; “being different” threatened our sense of security. We tried to be the same as everyone else, denying our own difference. Then, in our adolescent years, we usually rebel in order to try to breathe a breath of individuality after all those years of denying our difference. But deep down we continue to deny the value and importance of our uniqueness.

Fear of being rejected or humiliated by our difference is a challenge we all face. In order to make a difference in life, we must respect our own and each other’s difference. This involves looking deep inside ourselves and revealing the buried treasures of our God- given uniqueness and making the choice to value our difference instead of fearing it. 

Everyone feels the pain of “being different” to some degree.  “I am too tall, too short, too thin, too fat, too smart, too dumb, too --”… name your difference.  It is a part of being alive.  Everyone feels either “too much” or “too little” of something. Why?  Because we are made to be different! The analogy of a snowflake comes to mind.  We are all made of the same substance, Soul and Spirit, but express ourselves differently, as unique expressions of life. Honoring and respecting difference is the greatest source of  personal freedom.

How to Honor Difference to Create Positive Changes in your Life.

One: Remove the judgment you have toward difference.  When our ego encounters difference we either elevate it to a position of “superiority” or we diminish it to a position of “inferiority”.  In other words, we think we are either “better than” or “less than” respectively, rather than simply different.  The ego loves to categorize things either right or wrong, and is uncomfortable with neutrality.

Challenge yourself to let difference be neutral. Consciously let go of judgments and begin to change your preconceived ideas, so that truth can reveal itself. A good analogy is language. There is Spanish, French, German and English only to name a few of the hundreds in our world.  Which one is “better than”?  Which one is “less than”? They are simply different forms of communication that benefit different societies and cultures.  One isn’t inherently superior to another. When you can feel the same neutrality for all people who are different then you, then real healing and change are underway.

Two: Understand the Paradox of Difference.  In order to honor difference, we must be aware of our commonality.  In order to feel the value of our uniqueness we must also understand and experience our sameness. We have both qualities within us.

Everyone has experienced a different childhood. Even identical twins have different experiences and perceptions of their past.  No two are alike. Agreed? If everyone has had a different past, then how do we relate to each other?  We must look to discover the sameness or oneness that unifies us. It is most easily found within our emotional natures.

Regardless of your different experiences everyone has felt pain, loneliness, rejection, love, joy and peace. Our emotions unify our differences.  Because we know what it feels like to be hurt or comforted, we can easily relate to others pain or joy. Emotion is the universal bond that unites us while still honoring our difference.  Love is the greatest unifier of all -- a mature love that seeks to be understanding rather than to be understood. Love would be equivalent to a smile that transcends all language barriers.

Three: Embrace the Dignity of Difference. Owning the uniqueness of yourself and others will create a feeling of value. Focusing on value versus, “better or less than” begins to build the dignity of difference.  Begin to witness the value of different people, cultures and beliefs in our world rather than blindly fearing and judging them.  Look for the truth that unifies our difference, find the oneness and you will feel love.

Spiritual arrogance is perhaps the most destructive state of mind.  Simply put, “My God is better than your God”, thus I have the authority (appointed by MY God) to kill you, if you worship differently than me. This has been the source of every war between nations. It has always been a spiritual crisis rooted in the lack of respect accorded the dignity of difference?

If we need different languages to communicate in our personal societies, wouldn’t it also make sense to have different ways to communicate with God?  Isn’t that really the true purpose of religion, a system designed to relate and communicate with God?  The arrogance of assuming that your native tongue is better than other languages would carry over to religion.

Another paradox to face when resolving the dignity of difference is to take some time to reflect on how being different has been a source of pain and at the same time a source of your power, respectively. Rejecting your difference or accepting it leads to pain or power. Go deep inside yourself and explore the depth of your difference.  Write about it. Start from a distance, write about your childhood and then work your way to your current reality.  How do you feel different today than you did back then?  Has it changed?  Have you been able to recognize and transform the feeling of being different into a positive and empowering experience? Explore your feelings of being different from a physical, sexual, emotional, intellectual and spiritual perspective.

God has created us unique and unified at the same time. We share commonality with others like the water that makes up a snowflake (emotions) and yet, like every snowflake, we each have our unique individual patterns of expression. These opposing forces challenge us to either resolve this paradox by adding love and understanding or to ignore them and remain the same.

Those who dare to think, feel and value their difference are truly the leaders in our world.  In order to make a difference we must embrace our uniqueness and heal the fear and pain of being different.  

Where would we be if it weren’t for Christopher Columbus who dared to believe that the world wasn’t flat? Look at the contributions all the way from Einstein to Oprah, these courageous souls dared to support and value their differences. All great leaders who have made a huge impact in the world chose to value their differences. What if they had decided to be safe and didn’t honor their uniqueness or share it with our world?

It is time for each of us to face our fears and to accept, and value difference in our lives. Perhaps this is unconditional love:  Choosing to Support, Honor, Accept, Respect and Experience (SHARE) the beauty and power of difference in ourselves and with each other. What is the common challenge to all of our destinies is the need to embrace our differences and to share them with others. It is only through being different that we can honestly make a difference in the world.

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Bio-Michaiel Patrick Bovenes is a creative writer, author and professional speaker and teacher. He has a popular series of guided visualization meditations, he calls, "Soul-utions". He offers classes and words of wisdom in many articles published in various magazines worldwide. He currently resides in San Francisco, CA.